a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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