I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
