I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You ruined the universe
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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