ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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