i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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