sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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