Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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