We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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