I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
