That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
