At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
