Me too!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
