I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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