We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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