There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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