I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
