I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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