She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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