I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
