i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
