the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
