That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
