I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
