walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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