I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
