if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
