Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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