Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
