Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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