Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
