But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
