i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
