I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
