Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
