is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
