we're chasing vodka with high fives
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
