the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
