don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
