My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
