Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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