CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
