Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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