I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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