The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
