____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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