Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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