Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
