i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
