I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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