these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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