You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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